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Simple tips to help your family remain close-knit forever.
Akruti Venugopal, a homemaker and mother to two teenage boys, is at her wits’ end trying to get her family to connect with each other better. “My husband has a high pressure job and he travels a lot. The four of us hardly spend time together. Where is the time for bonding?” she asks.
A friend of mine based in Singapore, working mother of two children aged seven and 10, has a similar story to narrate. “The day passes in a whirlwind of homework, tests, skating classes, and beating deadlines. Life is hectic. If we all manage to eat a meal together, it is a blessing,” she says.
According to a study conducted by social scientists Judith Wallerstein and Joan Kelly fostering a family bond is very important. They say that for the child, a change in family structure (like a divorce) can create, among other things, a loss in education opportunities, severe alterations in parent-child relationships, and a lower standard of living. Dr Rebecca Novick and Christie Connard, in a study done for a child, family and community programme of the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory (NWREL), USA, say, “We worry about the environments our children are exposed to but what they experience within the family is also important. The way a family functions impacts a child’s development.”
Dr Ali Khawaja, Bangalore-based child specialist and a life skills coach, reiterates the need for a family bond. “In the 21st century, loneliness is going to be the biggest epidemic to hit mankind. The only immunization against it is a strong family. People have become more mobile and have less time for each other, leading to a sense of isolation. Family bonds can no longer be taken for granted—they need to be fostered and nurtured.”
How can one child build a strong family bond in these busy times? “A conscious effort has to be made.” says Ernakulam’s S.K.V Prabhu, a 72 year-old retiree and a bachelor. “Even though I live alone, I am never lonely as I have a great relationship with my siblings and their children. I grew up in a family of six brothers and three sisters,in an environment full of love and laughter. The bonds we shared then have paid rich dividends now.”
Such families have one thing in common—they do many activities together and have fun doing them. So what are these fun ways in which you can create strong family bonds?

Weekly Discussions
The Narayanans have a family meeting every week. Taking turns, each member of the family, including the youngest —seven-year-old Sandya – gets a chance to be the leader of a meeting. “We got the idea from an Enid Blyton book,” says Bharathi Narayanan, a mother who is also a Spanish teacher in Mumbai. “We fix one day in a week, when we all meet formally. Complaints are heard from each member. Everybody then discusses and decides what course of action is to be taken.” For this to work, it is important that each member is given equal importance. Parents cannot dominate the meeting or force their views. Children love it, as they are really heard. “If I lose my temper unfairly, my children say, “I’ll report this at the next family meeting,” adds Bharathi’s husband K.S Narayanan. These fun meetings also send a message to the child that their views matter. The leader for the day plans the activities which range from painting pictures—where the whole family is involved—to impromptu singing sessions.

Book of Memories.
Pune-based Deepa Agarwal, 42 is a mother of three and works part time at a pre school. When she was expecting her first child she’d ask her mother about her experiences during pregnancy and also her childhood. “To my dismay, my mother could hardly remember anything relating to my babyhood,” says Deepa.
She was determined that her children would not be deprived of those little details. So she started a “Book of Memories.” It is hard-bound book, in which I record something worth remembering. Like the time when my youngest child defended her brother against a neighbourhood bully,” says Deepa. She also involved both sets of grandparents to write about their grandparents or anything they wanted to share It has been 11 years now. The book of memories has grown. She has made a separate one for each of her children and says she intends to give it to them when they get married. For her, these books are a treasure trove which will one day help her children remember in detail, the bonds they shared in their growing years.

Family Calendar
Another great idea to remember important occasions in the family is to make a personalised family calendar. “It takes about an hour, and can be done with children at the beginning of each month, or even once in three months,” says Banglaore-based Seema Pai, who uses a family calendar to keep track of birthdays, anniversaries, annual days, sports meets and even exam dates of those in her extended family. Seema uses a calendar with large numbers, and cuts a flap around the dates, then she pastes a white paper behind the calendar—lift the flap up and you can scribble a note there. “I write out all the events and my children look forward to lifting the flaps, to see if there is any special event that day,” elaborates Seema. They then send an email or SMS to the concerned relative. Her sisters, one based in Dubai and the other in US, also have their own calendars. “Despite being far away, we still feel as close as ever and the best part is that our kids too have bonded with each other,” says Seema.

Bulletin Board
Deepa also has a bulletin board in the kitchen. “It is great for displaying kids’ drawings, impromptu notes and hand-made cards. We even put up easy-to-make recipes,” she says. She uses a simple cork board covered with an old colourful sari. “My children love looking up the bulletin board every day to see if there is anything new. During festivals her board is full of their creations. When friends come over and look at their drawings, they feel very important. When my husband comes back from a trip, the first thing he checks out is usually the bulletin board,” says Deepa. Doing things like these, together, has helped this family bond better since they all work as a team to put up something on the bulletin board.

The Need To Meet
The entire Prabhu clan meets annually and has been doing so for the past 18 years at different venues. Last year’s meet was held at Ernakulam, Kerala. The 83 members spread all over the country usually meet during a festival when children have holidays. “We organise things like quizzes and games. Kids prepare for and perform dances, and the older children compere the events,” says Rajashree Prabhu who organises these meets. “Even though we live so far apart from each other, we connect so well, when we meet annually and organize things like this jointly,” she says.
Meanwhile, the Castellino family in Pune has a weekend ritual. “We play board games and see to it that nothing inteferes with this,” says Cherissa Castellino, an HR consultant and mother of three. Raksha Bharadia, author of a hand book on parenting and mother of two girls says, “Sundays are spent together—we usually go for a drive or a movie and then eat a late lunch. We take at least one 10-day vacation in a year.”
Father Dudley Mendonca, a family counselor, says that the single most important cause in making or breaking a family is communication. Ninety percent of the families who come to him for counseling have a common trait—there are no open channels for communication. Feelings of frustration, neglect and unworthiness are thereby suppressed and internalised. “Parents need to understand that the needs of their children are completely different from those of their elders and peers as they grew up in a different time and the problems they face are not the same as those their parents once faced. By spending quality time, encouraging them to share their feelings, and giving them strong doses of love and emotional security, they can nurture family bonds into permanent and healthy ones,” says Dr Ali Khwaja.