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Does your child always seem to want the latest playstation, computer games, electronic toys, gadgets, dolls, designer clothes and CDs? Does your nine-year-old want to treat her friends at a high –profile restaurant on her birthday? And do you as a parent always give in to their needs and the ‘give-me’s’? Have you ever realized that you might be raising materialistic children for whom owning the latest must-haves is the key to bring more popular and successful than their peers? Today, children are being bombarded from all directions by advertisers who tell them that having the best clothes, toys and gadgets will make them more happy and happening.
Dr Sangeeta Ghosh, psychologist and counselor says, “Longer work hours for parents, more academic and extracurricular demands on children, and less family time have resulted in parents feeling guilty about short-changing their kids.
They often try to make up for their reduced availability by giving material gifts, and going easy on the kids when it comes to discipline.”
Say No To Materialism
Authors Sarah Young Fisher and Susan Shelly in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Personal Finance in Your 40s and 50s, say, “While kids and teens are under tremendous pressure to acquire all those tempting toys and gadgets available, parents are under equally tremendous pressure to buy for them. Many parents find it difficult to say ‘no’ to their children. It’s easier to give in and get them what they ask for than have to explain why the child won’t get what she wants. This seems to be especially true of parents who don’t deny themselves anything. And so, when a 13 –year-old comes home from their friend’s very large house, in which her bedroom is complete with a complex stereo system, TV, phone with a private number, a walk-in closet, and a computer equipped with Internet access, she is less than satisfied for a time with her smaller bedroom that contains far fewer accessories.” It is important for parents to instill positive values in their children when they are young and send the message that money can’t buy love and the beautiful things of the world. Here’s how parents can help their kids to simplify their lives and their world.
Talk About Money
From an early age, children see their parents using the ATM, writing cheques and paying by credit card. So kids think that their parents have a lot of money to spend. “You have to explain money basics in an age-appropriate manner. Tell your small kids that you make money by working hard and it is important not to waste it. Explain the concept along these lines: “The bank is like a giant money box. Mommy and Daddy put money in when we get paid from our jobs. When we need some, we take out a little. But we try to make sure our money box never gets empty.” When you write a cheque, point out that it’s the same thing as taking money out of the bank. And when your child is around age six, you can begin to talk abut credit cards. When you slide your plastic through a scanner, say, “I can use this instead of money to buy things. But I will need to pay for real in a few weeks. It is important to help kids distinguish between needs and wants,” says Neale S Godfrey, author of Money still Doesn’t Grow on Trees.
Commercial Time
Advertising has a strong influence on children. Your child might get the hang of managing money earlier if you explain how advertising can make you want things you don’t really need or can’t really afford. Tell them that the purpose of advertising is to get people interested in buying products, not to entertain the viewer in which the product is made attractive on the television screen. The colours used, the packaging, the display and so on.
“When your child says, “Buy me that”, help him weigh the pros and cons of each potential purchase. You won’t always convince your child, but you’ll open his eyes to the ways we can easily be swayed by bright colours, sounds or seemingly overjoyed paid child models,” says Susan K Perry in Raising a Non Materialistic Child.
Build Self-Esteem
Most studies affirm the fact that children with low self esteem try to find happiness and self-worth in material goods. “Appreciate your kids when they do good things… help you around the house, pass exams, etc. Don’t give money or presents to them when they ‘do good’. If money is used in this manner, a child will get the idea that everyone and everything has a price tag. The rewards of all successes or tasks for children should be an intrinsic feeling of accomplishment and self-worth that’s totally unattached to any external reward from others. Offer support and praise for a job well done.” Says Dr Ghosh.
Set Limits
Kids as young as 18 months to two years can be taught that they can’t have everything, says Dr Ghosh. For his book Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age, Dan Kindlon a professor of psychology at Harvard Univsersity, surveyed nearly 1,100 parents and 700 teens. His research showed that kids who had consistent limits set for them—limits on everything from swearing to playing violent video games—were less likely to lapse into drug use, depression and materialism than others without such restraints. It is a good practice to set limits to the amount of toys, shoes, clothes and stationery items that kids use. “Decide on your family’s purchasing limits and stick to them,” notes child psychologist Dr Lamia Barakat.
Give An Allowance
According to Dr Susan E. Taylor, Consumer and Family Economics Educator at the University of Illinois, “One way to teach your child about money is an allowance. And allowance can give children a sense of security. It can teach them good skills in using money. Some parents dole out money on an as-needed basis, This may deny their children learning about saving and spending money. When parents give money when asked, it tends to teach children that money is available in infinite amounts. The allowance lets children choose how to spend their money. Parents can help develop their children in developing good spending habits.” Keep records of how much money is given to each child for school, fun or for toys, chocolates and other wanted items. It will help children learn how to save or spend their allowances.
Spend Time
Says Paul Coleman, family therapist and author of How to Say It to Your Kids, “Its not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that’s the best way to ward off the ‘grimmes’. If Mom and Dad are always busy, then the kids will retreat to their toys and TV and cartoons, which is all materialism. Kids have to have a family life, to replace that. So try no to give your child things as a substitute. And make an effort to spend time together doing things that don’t cost anything—go to the playground and the library, take nature walks, play hide-and-seek. No matter what your child says, she wants—and needs—a secure sense of family is more important than a roomful of possessions.”
Set A Good Example
Parents are a child’s first teachers and role models. Usually, children are more affected by what their parents do than by what their parents say. They learn how to behave by seeing how their parents behave and following their example. For this reason, you need to be aware of the lessons you may unintentionally be teaching your children. Says Dr Michele Borba, author of Building Moral Intelligence, “You’re the best role model for helping your child cope with complicated material world. If you want to discourage him from developing an insatiable appetite for possessions, let him see you behaving with retraint and wisdom. Take him along to the shoe-repair shop, and explain why it’s worth re-heeling your shoes instead of buying new ones (you save money, and besides, your old ones are so comfy) Enjoy window-shopping together to show that while it’s fun to look at store displays and gather ideas for gifts and other purchases, you don’t need to buy something every time you go to a store.”
Teach them to Wait
Regardless of a child’s age, most experts agree that delaying gratification is a wonderful way to teach children accountability in a very age-appropriate way. Yet many parents find it hard to do, and they are not alone. Says Dr Borba, “Children who get everything they ask for don’t learn to handle disappointment, and they don’t learn to work—or even just walk-for things they desire. Do yourself and your child a favour by saying no to unending requests, even if that provokes tantrums in the toy store at first. Enlist the aid of friends and grandparents—who often delight in spoiling your child—by suggesting they buy only on gift at birthdays or festivals, instead of half a dozen.”
Be Charitable
One of the best ways to teach your children contentment and to appreciate what they have got is to expose them to the fact that millions of people live in severe poverty, and to involve your children in various efforts to alleviate the suffering of such people. In Silver Spoon Kids: How Financially Successful Parent Raise Responsible Children, Eillen and Jon Gallo, say, “Teach your children they can make others’ lives better, and that they’re fortunate in their circumstances. Encourage compassion and philanthropy. Telling your child you give money to the local orphanage is fine, but taking your child there to help serve meals reinforces their beliefs. Older children can get more involved in charitable work, if you’re willing to take the time to help them do so.”
Combat Peer Pressure
If you see that peer pressure is contributing to your child’s materialistic streak, teach them assertive skills to say no and counter the pressure. “Kids feel very pressurized to “keep up with the Jones’ Kids.’ The best way to deal with the Jones’ kids’ issue is transparency. The more your kids understand about budgeting, where the money really goes and their own roles in the family, the less likely they’ll be to make extravagant demands to keep up with the Jones’ kids. Children should be given a general understanding of the family income—its principal source and its main expenditures. These discussions should be kept cheerful, free and matter-of –fact. The topic of family spending and finances should not become too great of a responsibility for young children,” says Dr Ghosh.
You can’t tally love with money. If you can take the time and make the effort to plant the seeds of contentment and gratitude in your children and nurture them through the years, you will be giving them a gift far greater and more useful than material possessions!•
