Editor-in-Chief & Publisher: MIR JAVED RAHMAN


WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?


Issue Date 18 - 24 Feb, 2017 at 2:00 PM

WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?
Q: What I want to talk about might just sound like a communication problem but it is not that simple. I have been married for five years and generally, everything about our marriage is great. However, occasionally, my husband and I clash awfully and end up shouting at one another. The fights are usually about trivial issues that none of us would otherwise care about, leaving both of us hateful towards each other. Consequently, I usually feel like I have a valid concern or compliant, my husband would just start denying his fault and react in a rather violent way. We are, otherwise, a very happy couple but a few sporadic brawls distance us from one another in a short span of time. We had once decided to understand why we both end up fighting over trivial issues, considering which my husband says that I am not in my senses when I fight with him. Outside these fights, I am a very different person with a different affect demeanour. In my teenage years, I was diagnosed with OCD and was medicated for it, too. I stopped taking medicines after my recovery, but occasionally experience symptoms which are manageable. Therefore, I feel like these occasional quarrel episodes are due to my history of OCD. Please help! Fariha
A:
I cannot tell for sure, certainly, but there is something definitely wrong with your mind. A person who suffers from OCD is known to get focused on things and find it difficult to let it go. During an argument, it may appear to be a persistent obsession together with making a valid point. Therefore, it is possible that you are right about the impact of OCD symptoms. It is also possible that you did not learn how to argue effectively because of OCD in your younger years. Despite the reason being so trivial, you become defensive and all you can do is insist on your belief about being right and end up fighting with your husband. Since you have a history of being an OCD patient, I would recommend you to consult a psychiatrist who can help you with this problem.

WHAT’S YOUR QUERY? Q: I have been married for five years and have a lovely daughter. My problem does not revolve around my marital life, instead, it is about my parents with whom I live in a joint family along with my two other married brothers. Ever since my childhood, my relationship has been quite bitter with my parents. I was not a very bright student but was very good with my family business because I started taking interest in it during my teenage years. My elder brothers have always been favourites to my parents, as they were brilliant students and have good jobs to their credit. My wife and I are treated like slaves by my family because I don’t have a job of my own and instead, assist my father with his garment’s business. My wife is given the responsibility to manage the kitchen and other household responsibilities, while I am constantly degraded by my father. Considering they are our parents, we never utter a word against this injustice. My father recently took a wrong financial decision which landed us into a huge loss but all he does is blame me for it. I sometimes feel that I should start living separately, but the thought of me being kicked out of the business stops me from doing so. I have savings but I don’t know if they would help me enough. Please tell me how to come out of this mess. Anonymous
A:
This is a very unfortunate situation. It is sad to know that you were an undervalued child merely based on your academic performance. It is certainly not an easy thing to deal with. What you must do is leave everything behind and move on. I know that it is easier said than done but you need to take a firm decision if you have any self-respect left for yourself, your wife and your daughter. It seems quite frustrating to work all the time and not get any appreciation, that too when you are working hard for a family business. You need to keep in mind that self-respect comes from within. See how much you have achieved and how far have you made it despite the unfavourable circumstances. Provided all the negativity around you, it is important that both, you and your wife take a firm decision and step into a more positive life with good people around. Try looking for jobs or if you have enough savings invest them into a profitable business. You will not find what you are looking for unless you take a risk. Living around negative people will only make your life miserable. Look for better opportunities.


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