 Peer pressure. We've all experienced it. And when it comes to youth smoking, the connection is clear - research shows that the influence of peers is the most important factor in determining when and how cigarettes are first tried.
In fact, one study has found that if your child's friends smoke cigarettes, he is nine times more likely to try smoking than if his friends are non smokers.
Another study asked 11-17-year-olds how many of their friends smoke. Of those who said all or most of their friends smoke, 44% smoke as well. This study also finds that positive peer influence is closely tied to not smoking - 99% of kids who said that none of their friends smoke, don't smoke either.
Parents and Peer Pressure
As your child grows into a teen, he may seem to tune out much of what you say. But research shows that parents are still the strongest influence on adolescents' big decisions.
Make them Strong
When faced with tough choices, will your child be as self-confident? Teach them the 5 Knows and the 5 Nos.
5 Knows
1. Know yourself. Think about who you are, who you want to become and what you believe in. Know your family's beliefs and values. When faced with a difficult choice, ask yourself, “Does this fit with who I want to be?”
2. Know the facts. Some decisions can be based on simple facts. For example, smoking is addictive, expensive and causes serious diseases. It's illegal to sell cigarettes to minors.
3. Know the situation. Before going along with friends, know what you're getting yourself into. Where are they going? What will they do? Who will be there? When and how will you get home?
4. Know when to ask questions. If you don't know the facts and the situation, ask questions. Make sure you get answers.
5. Know how to get help. Everyone needs help at times. Think about which responsible adults in your life you can turn to for guidance and support when you need it. Remember, asking for help is usually a sign of strength not weakness.
5 Nos
1. Plain and simple. “No thanks”. Sometimes the most direct way is the simplest and most effective.
2. Forceful. Some kids have enough self-confidence to say no in a way that their friends will never ask again. As in “Are you crazy? Those things can kill you.”
3. The strict parent. Tell your child he can always use you as a way to say “no.” “My mom would smell the smoke and I'd get in trouble.”
4. The switch. Come up with a better plan. “I've got to go swim some laps at the club. Want to go with me? You can't smoke if you're going to do that.”
5. The friend. Remind your child that a real friend won't ditch her if she doesn't go along with the crowd. Have her use the same logic with the friend. “If you were really my friend, you wouldn't ask me to do something that could make me sick.” |
Teenagers who don't smoke say the main reason is their parents. Kids know and respect their parents' expectations - if their parents have stated them clearly and repeatedly.
Peers and pop culture will probably influence your child's choice of clothing, hairstyles, music and the like. That's okay. You might not like their music or the way they look, but if you let them make these relatively minor decisions, they are likely to listen to you on the ones that really matter - like not smoking.
Your influence is real. You are in the best place to help guide your child as he struggles with peer pressure, examines his options, and gradually becomes a mature, independent thinker.
Insight and Tools
You may remember the excitement of moving up to middle school or high school. But you may not recall how it feels to walk into the classroom and believe everyone is scrutinizing your words, your walk, your clothes… your entire worth.
During the ups and downs of adolescence, these transitions can be especially challenging times. Kids can be overwhelmed and intimidated by the new surroundings, new faces and their sudden fall in stature from being the oldest in school to the youngest. They begin to experience more pressure to try things they know aren't right.
Encouragement from friends to smoke cigarettes is one of the new pressures your child might encounter. A 2002 study showed that among 11-17-year-olds who smoked cigarettes in the past 30 days:
• 73% were with friends when they tried their first cigarette.
• 64% got their first cigarette from a friend's pack.
How You Can Help
Below are some good reminders of ways you can help your child resist peer pressure and remain strong through some of the more challenging times.
See through their eyes. As they develop, adolescents often struggle to understand how others - especially their peers - view them. They worry about being rejected if they don't fit in.
Reassure your child that while friends will sometimes hassle her for not going along, many times they won't. Either way, the most important thing is for her to make her own decisions. Adolescents also tend to overestimate how many people are actually involved in risky behaviours.
Adolescents in a recent survey said they think that more than 50% of teens smoke; the actual number is closer to 25%. Make sure your child knows that the large majority of both kids and adults simply DO NOT smoke.
Set boundaries. Your expectations must be clear. Your rules must be clear. This goes for the things your child shouldn't do, such as smoking and drinking, as well as for privileges such as driving and curfews. Involve him in setting some boundaries and rules (curfews, for example), but remember that on important topics, like smoking and drinking, you should have the final say. Make sure he knows that the consequences for breaking rules will be enforced.
Know your child's friends. Knowing your child's friends is actually just the beginning. Make her friends feel welcome in your home - when you're there. If they're comfortable, they'll spend more time at your home and less time in unsupervised places.
Pay attention to how the kids interact with you and with each other. Are the relationships equal and respectful? Do your kids hold their own when they're joking or goofing around, or do they seem to be easily influenced by what their friends say to them? Use these observations for discussion with your child.
If one of his friends smokes, tell your son you disapprove of the smoking; don't say, “I don't like your friend.” If you focus on the behaviour, he will be more likely to discuss the friend's smoking and not be defensive. Point out the friend's positive qualities as well as the negative.
Build Their Confidence
Teens who feel good about themselves are more likely to handle peer pressure successfully and say 'no' to smoking.
Help them shine. To build healthy self-esteem, help your child discover and develop her strengths. Whether she's good at sports, music, with pets or organizing neighbourhood games, tell her so and give her more opportunities to use her talents. If he is skilled with computers, ask him to help you with projects.
Be positive. Sometimes parents spend too much time and energy telling a child what he does wrong. Make a point to talk more often about what he does well.
Show your pride. Display artwork, photos, certificates and other mementos. Share her success stories with relatives and friends.
Teach them to learn from mistakes. Help your child see mistakes as opportunities to improve, not as failures. Talk about the things you've learned from your own mistakes. |
Reward your child for making good choices in friends. Extend his curfew once in a while when he's with those friends, or have him invite the group over and treat them to pizza.
Know the friends' families too. When you drive your daughter to a friend's house, introduce yourself to the parents. If she plans to attend a party, let her know you'll call the host's parents and ask what's planned.
Manage Stress
Stress is a big factor in both peer pressure and youth smoking. Here's how you can help:
• Be on the lookout for signs of stress. You know your child best, but some common signs include frequent headaches, feeling irritable, chest or stomach pain, anxiety, withdrawal or sleep problems.
• Teach your child to prioritize activities. If she's doing too many things, help her figure out what she likes most about each activity, and then decide which one(s) to drop.
• Help him learn to keep things in perspective. Empathize with his feelings, even if you think the problem is minor. (“I can see how angry you are that you weren't invited to that party.”) Once he's no longer so upset, help him see the positive things in his life, and remind him that you and his friends will still care about him no matter what.
• Show her the way. When you practice ways to reduce and manage stress, she will follow your example. Exercise, sleep, eat well, have fun!
Encourage Independent Thinking
Help your child practice thinking for herself. Encourage him to be a leader, to form opinions and make decisions based on his own judgment.
Ask questions like, “What do you think of what that group's doing? What do you think of their clothes?” Remember that having him think through these problems can be just as important as the answers he comes up with. The more he trusts himself and his ability to make independent decisions, the less vulnerable he'll be to peer pressure.
Show and teach empathy. Empathy involves seeing things from your child's perspective so you can understand her emotions. When you show empathy for your child's feelings, you teach her that you value her thoughts. This helps her learn to trust herself. It also helps her understand your perspective as a parent. “I knew you might worry, so I called home.”
Get them involved. Some kids take inappropriate risks, including smoking cigarettes, because they're bored. Getting your child involved in groups or clubs that fit her interests can reduce the chances of boredom and provide her with a new set of strengths. Besides building her confidence by helping her to achieve something positive, being involved in activities can expose her to a group of peers who share her interests, as well as to coaches or group leaders who can reinforce your message and be mentors and role models.
If You Smoke
Even if you smoke, you can talk to your child about not smoking. You may feel guilty. You may think that because your child has told you again and again not to smoke, he would never try it. Or you might feel like a hypocrite telling him not to smoke when it's something he knows you do. You're not alone. Most parents who smoke feel the same way. But you're still the parent. You set the rules.
It's a fact that children whose parents smoke cigarettes are at much greater risk for starting the habit themselves. But you can decrease your child's likelihood of smoking if you let him know clearly and repeatedly that you don't approve.
Spell out the reasons why your child shouldn't smoke. Keep in mind that he is more likely to respond to the immediate effects - the cost, smelly clothes, yellow teeth and bad breath - rather than the long-term health risks associated with smoking.
Set consequences for smoking, and be prepared to follow through. Let her know that smoking is simply unacceptable.
Share your story. Talk about why you started to smoke. If you began smoking because your friends smoked, tell him. When you first started, how long did you think you would keep smoking? Has that changed? Talk about your addiction to cigarettes and the effect smoking has had on your health. If you have tried to quit, make sure he knows how difficult it is.
If Your Child Smokes
“My son was 13 when I suspected he was smoking. I could smell it on his clothes. I asked him if he was smoking and he said 'yes',” says one mother of three. “I couldn't believe he would smoke. When he was younger he was so against it. He's a smart kid and he clearly understands the risks. I was shocked that he'd try it.”
Some wake-up calls are more subtle than this. Maybe some of your daughter's friends are smoking or your son's hair smells of tobacco. These are signs that your child may have tried smoking. What do you do?
• Stay calm. Start by asking questions about what's going on. How long has she been smoking? Do her friends smoke?
• Enforce the consequences of the rules you have set about not smoking.
• Without lecturing, remind him of the negative effects of smoking, such as the expense, how it causes wrinkles, bad breath, and diseases like cancer.
• Discuss the signs of addiction:
• having strong urges to smoke
• feeling anxious or irritable when you're not smoking
• having tried unsuccessfully to quit.
Tell him it's possible for teens to become addicted after only a few weeks of smoking. If you think he is addicted, take him to your family doctor to help him find a cessation program that has been successful with the youth. |
