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Heart To Heart
05 - 11 Sept, 2015
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Heart To Heart

Q: I am a 19-year-old girl and my problem is that I cannot stay angry for long and end up forgiving people even if they do not deserve it. Is it wrong to be too optimistic about things and people? I cannot get myself to ‘dislike’ anyone who does something bad to me because I try to dig deep into the psychology behind their actions. And when I begin to understand them, whatever bad they do to me feels justifiable. I lose my self-respect when I get insulted again and again by them. Can seeing the bright side of people blind me enough to let people walk over me? Rafia
A:
You are what is known as ‘a nice girl’ and here it is not a compliment. It is something that works for others around them and not for the person who is being ‘nice’. When someone understands, it usually means that person is a people-pleaser and tends to get used. Do you honestly believe that just because you understand when others goof up, they will understand when you do? No! Because you have always bent over backwards to understand other’s wicked behaviours. It is time to put forward your needs. No, your need is not to understand and serve others. You need to dig a little deeper and reconnect with who you really are. A bit of inner work and you will see that people will start seeing you and treating you differently and you will lead a more fulfilled life.


Q: I am a 25-year-old girl. It has been five years since I got married. The problem is that my husband and my father-in-law have suddenly become very pious and have started objecting to the way I dress. I am an excellent badminton player, but they want me to stop wearing shorts and start playing in track pants as there are men around. My parents have never made a big deal of such things and have always allowed me to wear anything and same was the case with my husband. They are now even having issues with me wearing sleeveless dresses at weddings and functions. All this is causing a great deal of distress on myself. Please guide me how to handle it. Naila
A:
We all know that marriage is about compromise and when two people decide to live together for the rest of their lives, one can almost guarantee that there will be hard work ahead. How do you remain flexible in a relationship without turning into a doormat? That is the key question in any successful relationship. The important thing is to differentiate between what you will and won’t compromise on. Badminton is one of the things that are unique to you. And you should not give it up. What I appreciate about your husband and father-in-law is that they have not asked you to give up playing. However, your husband’s family is on a path and in the long run you may not always agree with the changes you may be asked to make. So here is a quick guide to what one should generally not compromise on when in a relationship. You should not compromise on your uniqueness, your hopes and dreams. Family is another thing one should not compromise on. No one’s family is perfect, but cutting out your loved ones to satisfy a spouse will eventually lead to resentment. And finally your self-esteem. Any relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself, is a bad one. If pointing out your faults has become your partner’s favourite pastime, you need to rethink over your relationship, because you are not a punching bag.


If you want to discuss problems related to skin, hair and nails or if you have any health related queries that need to be answered, or if an onerous emotional problem is weighing you down, share it with us at askexpert@magtheweekly.com. Kindly mention your age and the column you have question for in the subject line.
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