Editor-in-Chief & Publisher: MIR JAVED RAHMAN


WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?


Issue Date 22 Oct - 28 Oct, 2016 at 2:00 PM

WHAT’S YOUR QUERY?

Q: My husband and I are going through a divorce. We have three children, 1-year-old, 3-year-old and 6-year-old. We decided not to let this divorce impact our children because they are very young to even think about such stuff, but my husband lives with his parents and whenever my kids go there, my mother-in-law discusses things like child support and divorces in front of them. I have asked my husband many times to stop his mother from talking about such stuff in front of the children, but he says he can’t do anything about that. Now I don’t know what to do. I cannot stop the children from meeting their father or their grandparents but conversations like these are going to have a negative impact on them.
A:
I can understand what you are going through and your confusion at this point. Since you are going through a divorce right now, there is a high chance your mother-in-law is sour at you and doesn’t want to do anything in your favour. There must have been a time when she really liked you. Just like you are anxious about your children, she might be too about her son which is why she is probably taking out her angr on your kids. There is no denying the fact that you are going to be on your mother-in-law's "list" from here on out. Your husband is, of course, not going to say anything to his mother for the woman he is divorcing, even if it is about the future of his children. When your children ask questions about such issues, you should answer them as unemotionally and succinctly as possible. Your eldest one might ask many questions, just answer them honestly and without any manipulation so that they can see the difference and they don’t think about it as much. Your children are very young so you might not be able to explain them these things properly but try not to get mad at your husband’s family because they are also going through a rough patch and there is no point of any arguments.

Q: I grew up in an extremely abusive household. Not only were my parents abusive towards each other, but my mother was abusive towards me as well. Every day, I used to wake up to a new set of physical and verbal abuses. My father was very loving towards me but he never stopped my mother from her wrath. As I grew older, I restored to loneliness and hardly left my room. Now, my parents have realised their mistake and are trying to make it up to me but I don’t know how to forget everything they have done to me. How do they expect me to forgive them after they have ruined my childhood and mental stability?
A:
Forgiveness is the key to everything. You might have heard of the phrase forgive and forget; it is an old saying but very appropriate and helpful. You might find it extremely difficult to forgive everything right now because, like you mentioned, you have had a hard time and it is not easy to forget your childhood. It is heartbreaking to have an abusive childhood because it has a major impact on you when you grow up. It leaves major scars but to get over them, reconciliation is important. If your parents are attempting to reconcile then you should give it a try. You may have missed a childhood filled with love and attention but if you don’t forgive them now, you are going to miss out on an opportunity of having a very pleasant adult life. It is very important for us to remember that no matter how our parents are and how they have treated us, we still need them at the end of the day, even when we think that we don’t need them. I know they have wronged you and you are in a very confused state of mind right now, but if they are trying to make it up to you, then you should take a step forward as well. It will be difficult to forget everything and it will be tougher to forgive things, but take everything gradually and see how it turns out.





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