Q: My parents got married at an early age and when I was born my father was still struggling to find a stable job. I have a brother who seems to be my parent’s favourite child and is pampered a lot, while I have always been reminded of the sacrifices they have made to provide me with basic necessities of life. Even though I am very well aware about all that they have done for me, now I just cannot handle all the negativity that comes with these reminders. Both my parents have struggled a lot to get me and my brother educated and are still doing so but the constant taunts have literally depressed me because they are only targeted towards me. Recently, my friend invited me to her birthday party but my parents ordered me not to go. This really angered me and I eventually retaliated. Now, they are threatening to stop paying my university tuition fee, which will eventually halt my studies. They always treat me like a burden and I really don’t know how to deal with this situation, as it is getting really stressful for me day by day. Please help! Zara
A: Dear Zara, I am really sorry that the situation has turned so stressful for you. A way to deal with it is to try and look at the situation from your parent’s perspective. I don’t think you are a burden on your parents. Like you mentioned, your parents have had a struggling life and have sacrificed a lot the upbringing of both, you and your brother; therefore, they probably feel they have missed many of the opportunities in life, especially in their younger years. Their way of loving and being concerned about you is different from what you expect from them, which is normal in today’s generation. I would advise you to give your parents some time. Think of their taunts as a well-intended concern gone wrong; look at the brighter side of things and give them a chance. Thank them for all they have done for you, they probably need acknowledgement from you.
Q: I have been married for four years and have a two year-old daughter. My husband and I argued occasionally during the two years of our marriage but ever since our daughter is born, we have been fighting every single day. He has immensely abused me, both emotionally and mentally. It has been two years now and his behaviour has been the same. He often talks about his ex who got married a year ago and compares me with her. The matter once went to an insane extent, where our families had to intervene and sort it out. My husband was asked if his behaviour issues were due to our daughter’s birth, but he rejected this assumption because I knew what the real reason was. He was doing all of this out of frustration and I couldn’t let our families know this, as he warned me not to talk about it. I really don’t know how long I will survive with this man, if he does not give up this attitude. Please tell me what to do? Mohsina
A: Dear Mohsina, this is a very sad state of affairs. It is not healthy for your married life and will have a very negative impact on your daughter’s upbringing. This is a time when you set your priorities straight and ask your husband to do the same. You should not hide anything from both your family and in-laws; in fact, this is when they should be familiar with everything going on in your life. Do not waste your time saving this man’s dignity. Speak to both your families and take them in confidence. He is just whining over his past life with his ex which is affecting your relationship with him. This is wrong and must stop. Counselling might help because I don’t think he is someone who would calmly listen to what you have to say. Therefore, ask your elders to do something about it or seek a professional’s help.
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