Ever since I started university I’ve had a lot of friends in different social circles. Since I’m athletic and a smart guy, I have very different types of friends, each of them belonging in their own social circles. This leads to my problem. My friends each belong mainly to only one social circle where they can act genuinely and be themselves. On the other hand, I have a foot in many different social circles, which makes me behave differently according to who I’m with. Sometimes I even feel like I’m mimicking the behaviour of my friends. I’m 21 now and I feel it’s time to find a social circle where I can be myself 100 per cent. But I’m not sure if I really know who I am. How can I determine my true self and then how can I be that self in front of everyone?

You can start by exploring your needs and wants when it comes to socialising. Who are you and what do you want to achieve by social activities? What kind of people make you feel comfortable and good about yourself? You can raise your self esteem in your own eyes by listing your positive attributes. Your true self can be explored by discovering your own faults as well as positive traits. Try to mingle with people who accept you as a whole so that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else around them. Awareness about yourself will lead you to make better choices in terms of choosing friends.

Simply put, I’m a very jealous person. I know that every human being has this emotion in them but mine seem to be toxic in all my relationships, may it be with friends or family. I’m jealous to the extent that I don’t even like when someone speaks to my people. I used to think that I’m just territorial and over protective but since the past few months my jealousy is changing into hatred and I just feel like killing the person I’m jealous of. I literally build up scenarios in my head where I’m hurting that person either verbally or physically. I know I’m sane enough to understand that I’m not supposed to do it but even these thoughts feel wrong and I just need them to stop. Please help me manage my jealousy.

First of all, it’s a great thing that you are aware of a growing negative feeling in you and you are seeking help for it. Secondly, your problem to me seems more like having control issues and being territorial/possessive than being simply jealous. You can help yourself by being aware of your need to control the relationships the next time it arises. Access what is your worst fear when you have these negative thoughts. Also become aware about the underlying emotions that create the feelings of anger towards certain individuals. Why do you feel the need to harm them verbally or physically? Honest answers will lead to long term peace of mind for you. You can take therapy to explore your underlying emotions which result in anger and control issues. •