I hadn’t written a blog entry in several days and even weeks now. After the initial shock and depression of what was happening in the world getting through the regular routine of the day was exhausting enough. In fact, to be honest it was this routine that kept me sane. It was having so much to do that kept my mind and body busy.

Fawad had been working from home since about a month now. At least, he still had his job. There were many who had been laid off. I couldn’t understand why companies chose this time to lay off people. Things would come back to normal sooner or later, but in this time of crisis people had decided that certain people were dispensable.

I couldn’t believe that companies would put profits ahead of everything, even in this dire time. But this was the reality. We were in the end just cogs in a machine.

Capitalism, maximisation of profits, bleeding Mother Earth of all its resources, plundering, looting, poisoning waters and tarnishing environments, this is what it’s all been about for so long and wasn’t this the consequence of all that. Sooner or later, nature would have her revenge. We had tempted her far too long.

Entire countries had shut down. Thousands were succumbing to the disease and losing the fight and all I could do was just see. All anyone could do was see. I looked at my family and felt a surge of gratefulness, but I also realised that I was the lucky one. The privileged one. I had a safe and blessed home. I had money in the account. My husband still had a job and our fridge and pantry was full. The good luck of the elite. The section of the society that always had good fortune and good luck. I hated the disparity in society, more now than ever.

Because I could see people’s lives being turned upside down. One month of a shutdown and the whole scenario was different. Daily wage earners were crushed. They had to resort to charity and to other means and ways to make

a living.

Things were worse globally, especially where people lived on credit. Only today,

I witnessed the horrific news of people being asked to leave their homes that were on lease because they couldn’t pay the rent. And this was in nations that are developed. This was happening in places that are the first world countries and super powers.

This is the exact reason, why I didn’t want to write my blog. The reason why I was postponing it. Would anyone want to read about my depression and my hurt or confusion?

I know that people started to comment on, “How to make the lockdown productive?” or on “How to stay sane and all?” There were even some aspiring ones that were holding zumba and physical training classes online. I applauded their efforts. I was happy for the people who could pick themselves up so quickly. They were the fighters in our land. They were the thinkers and the movers.

I wasn’t that clear in my direction.

But then, I needed to find that direction soon or I would crumble.

Also my heart went out to the frontliners, the doctors who were struggling under the burden of this disease. They also had homes and families, but they couldn’t be with them because they were fighting at the frontline. They were the real heroes. They needed our support and our prayers. I knew so many of them personally and all I could do was, ask them how they were at the end of the day. I felt so helpless.

I buried myself deeper into my daily routine and teaching Ibrahim. Fawad started to get bugged by my diligence, but I couldn’t help myself.

This was my way to stay sane, I said it before and it was true.

I also started having long video calls with my family and also my friends, the few I had left with.

Saman was stuck in London with her husband and she was expecting. She was due in May and given the state of hospitals, her doctor had given her the contacts of several midwives around her area, who would assist her in a home delivery. Her mother couldn’t be with her and most of her husband’s family was in other parts of the world. She was also left on her own. Besides, even if there was family in town, the social distancing might prevent them from being with them.

“It’s in May Saman. Things will settle by then.”

I gave her strength.

“I know Saima, but just in case we need to have a plan B.”

She sounded so confused and depressed and I had no way to make her feel better.

I included Ibrahim into the call to lighten up her mood and mine.

The fact was evident that there was no way to make any of it go away. I had explored all avenues where my mind took me. The arrival of the Anti-Christ, conspiracy theories of China initiating the whole show down, other political theories involving the Arabian lands, God’s wrath and punishment. Everything had been examined and explored. In the end, I came to the conclusion that there was a lot of power in prayers and I would pray for myself and my family and for the entire humanity.

I also began to see a positive light in all of this mayhem.

A positive sense of direction.

A world as a whole had more time. Time to connect. Time to find peace within a chaos. Earth was healing, there was less pollution and the atmosphere was cleaner and so, were our souls cleansing. Our souls were finding their true purpose in life. The teachings of Confucius and Lao Tzu came to mind. We were connecting with the true reason of our creation. To be one with the universe and God. Even though, this virus was a product of nature and our enemy, yet it held within itself the power to stop us in our tracks and to pause. The pause that we all needed. We could have leisurely meals with our families now. We could sleep in late even on weekdays. There was time to talk amongst ourselves and to play games. There was time to laugh and to breath.

Did humanity need a plague for it to realise the meaning of life? I think, it did. There were lessons to be learnt in this catastrophe and if we were so self-centered that we didn’t learn them then, I guess even an apocalyptic end would not turn our souls around.

And the needy and hungry brought us together to charity and help. The poor taught us to turn to someone else in their times of need.

And what about the landlord who chose this time to evict their tenant, I guess they are the ones who will never learn. Also the boss who chose profits over the lives of their employees, he didn’t learn anything either. These people were planning to doom.

All in all, we saw a lot of faces. We saw them all.

But the killing stopped and the pain ceased and the world was brought together as one. The time was ripe for a better world to come into being and

I waited for it to be here soon.

I waited and prayed for a wholesome world where everything would be fair. •