ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST

I am a 31-year-old male. I can’t trust anyone. Due to many experiences through my life I don’t see how anyone can be trusted. How can one learn to trust without going through the hurt all over again?

Trust can be one of the most important parts of a relationship; the lack of trust can be the most damaging as well. Nonetheless, your difficulty in trusting others is not all that uncommon. To help along the way, here are some tips:

1. Take your time

Like really take your time. After being hurt and going through a loss we need time to psychologically recover. This is often a substantial period of time

when we grow tremendously. Allow yourself the privilege of that growth.

2. Be open

Finally, when in a new relationship, be willing to talk about your reservations and fears. Be open about your expectations and put your thoughts out on the table to give both of you a chance to try and work through them. Here’s where you get to practice being vulnerable, with the right person. Believe it or not, trust can actually develop from sharing and being vulnerable with others.

I’m a 22-year-old girl and I’m a medical student. My problem is that I get angry so fast! I don’t know how to control my anger and I feel really bad when I keep my rage inside!

Anger is one of those common emotional states that historically brings on behaviours that we can regret and that cause us and those around us discomfort and pain. Here are some more tips to keep your anger in check:

1. Rant

Many people feel that they are out of control with their anger. Giving yourself permission to rant is in a way staying in control. Venting how you feel can also let you discharge this uncomfortable emotion.

2. Explore and find thinking that triggers your anger to help with future anger events

Often it is our own thoughts that encourage our anger. Look for words like “should” and “must;” “always” and “never” are also common ones. If you can identify thoughts in your head that use those words, you can likely find irrational thoughts that have triggered you. Examples can be “He should have known better!” or “They are always like that to me.”

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