ASK A THERAPIST

I discovered that my son has been taking money from the wallet of my husband and from my purse without informing us. I do not know what to do. Can you help me?

If we were the parent in this situation, the first thing we’d do is a little bit of detective work. We’d want to know what the money was being used for. Kids always take it for a reason and it’s usually, because they want something they can’t have. Once you’ve established what the money has been spent on, then it’s time to act. If it’s a material possession, we would remove it while he is out. For a start, you want to send the message that he will not benefit from his poor behaviour choices. It will also give you the perfect opportunity to start that all important conversation you need to have with him. Once you’ve embarked on the conversation, keep a cool head at all times. Anger will just give him the opportunity to deflect from the real issue. Ask him to explain himself and listen carefully. If he storms off, wait, stay calm and go again. If he refuses to engage, tell him how disappointed you are in him and tell him what the consequences are.

Many of the restrictions have been eased, for which I’m grateful, but I am really struggling with the idea of venturing out. Every time I try, I become overwhelmed by panic and I worry I’m going to become trapped in the house. Can you help?

The most important thing is to fully acquaint yourself with all of the safety measures laid out by the government. Next, planning is imperative. Develop a routine around keeping safe when you venture out. What will you do before you leave the house? What measures must you take while you’re outside? Once you are set on a practical level, the next thing to do is set yourself an initial goal. To start with, decide on a short familiar journey out of doors in the open air. On your familiar journey, plan small milestones, where you can stop and just breathe calmly and feel motivated to reach the next one. This will add a positive and purposeful dimension for you to focus on. As you walk around, keep giving yourself positive messages. What are you enjoying? What are the benefits of being in the fresh air, the sun on your back? If you start to feel the panic rise. Find a safe place, away from others and start to breathe.

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