ASK A THERAPIST

My son is a perfectionist. He puts so much pressure on himself to be perfect at everything he does, we fear he might crack. He studies late into the night and rarely relaxes.

The pressure to land a good career and reap the benefits from a fantastic degree can leave many students struggling; overwork can eventually lead to grades tumbling because of burn out. For students to be successful they should try to understand that the motivation to succeed needs to be balanced with a healthy dose of self-care. We think it’s important to be clear about something – ‘perfection’ does not exist for humans and striving for it can become very burdensome indeed. So, to really understand how your son is functioning, it’s important to understand the why of the situation. Getting him to explore the root cause of his high standards will help your son to be able to manage those fears in a healthier balanced way. The most important thing any parent can do is to be there for the times when it falls apart a little. Your pride in him regardless will go a long way in teaching him that it’s okay not to be perfect and that failure can sometimes teach us a great deal more than success.

I’m worried about my teenage daughter, who I feel I am losing touch with. She has withdrawn from me and spends so much time in her bedroom on the internet.

Being a parent of a teenager can be quite tricky. It’s important to remember that your daughter is going through a transitional period undergoing a lot of physical and mental changes. That said, there may always be certain triggers that may cause adolescents to become easily angered or irritated. This is where parents must step in. We recommend you and your spouse come up with a plan which ensures that she can spend adequate amount of time on her social media, as well as engaging with her family. This means setting aside some quality time doing a joint activity that doesn’t involve devices. Talk to her about this idea when you both are in a good mood. Calmly explain to her your concerns about her behaviour and how you have come up with this solution that will allow her to spend time online, as well as with the family. Be assertive, but calm.

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