In Search of Identity

  • 23 Oct - 29 Oct, 2021
  • Salaar Laghari
  • Fiction

As the mysterious person who was following me came up and revealed himself to me.

“Oh, God! It’s you,” I said to the person as soon as I recognised that man.

It was Luke.

He moved forward slowly, representing by his actions that he was not going to harm me in any way. In a very inaudible and a very soothing tender voice, he looked at me and asked.

“How are you Henry?”

“Excuse me?” I answered while trying to pay attention to his question.

“Don’t worry, I’m just asking you as a friend… How are you doing?”

“I’m doing just fine as I was doing before…”

“I see. Do you think your memory is improving or recovering?”

Now, the two of us were standing quite close and face to face. I was looking up at him since he was quite tall heighted. I answered him,

“No, my memory is the same as it was. And can I ask you, what are you doing here?”

“I’ll leave from here if you want me to. But I just want to make sure that you are doing all fine and okay.”

“Actually, I’m really not… so to speak,” I answered looking aside. “How about we now have a little chat between us?”

“Sure. That’ll be great,” he answered. “Why not?”

I then went by the railing of the terrace and he followed me. He was acting absolutely fine like a normal gentleman, but I had unfortunately lost all the faith and confidence in humanity by now. Or probably, it never existed after all that is happening to me.

Anyways, while the two of us were standing looking outside at the city, I asked him,

“So, how are the girls doing?”

“They are fine actually, I had to ask though. What was all the drama in order to create terror in an attempt to bring one of them to your house and holding a knife in front of her to threaten her badly?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Tell her that I’m extremely sorry and very guilty at the same time.”

“Okay… fine,” he said as he folded his arms and stood in front of me.

“And what is your opinion about the recent bomb explosion?” I asked him after a short instance of silence.

“Well, I feel really bad for the three of them. It was very tragic for Roald, his wife and his sister.”


“The owner of the house. The one who died along with his family.”

I felt deeply upset on this and also understood that he had quite some awareness about these people.

Ask him. Go on and ask him what he knows about all this. A voice suddenly came from my heart.

“Who were these people? Can you tell me about them?”

“I know some stuff about them, like they had recently moved to that place.”

“I really want to know in detail about these people…”

“Actually, I think I can help you but for that you’ll have to come out of the building.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was with some friend of mine, he works for a magazine company. He told me that some brother of Roald, he came. He came to his office and gave them a detailed interview.”


“Yeah and they also recorded his interview. I mean in his voice. We can listen to that audio as well. Actually, I’m not quite interested, but I can still ask him to share it with you.”

That moment, I remained silent for a while and then a cunning idea came to my mind and I instantly asked him,

“Do you remember once I told you that I don’t trust you?”

“Uh yes, but let’s move on!”

“No, wait. Listen to me first. You can gain my trust again, if only you can arrange that audio recording for me.”

He seemed quite surprised and gave an expression of complete absurdness. He asked me,

“Why do you want to know about these people and that too so desperately?”

“I saw the news about the blast on TV and now I am curious, like everyone else is…”

“Okay, that sounds fair to me,” Luke replied while expressing his fairness from my side.

“So, you will arrange it?” I asked anxiously.

“Yes, yes I will. I need a few days though.”


Two Days Later

Inside my apartment during the night, I was seated when I heard the door knocking. I stood up to answer the door and quite as expected it was Luke. He was holding a USB right in front of me.

“Thank you,” I responded.

Minutes later, I was looking at some cheap cell phone in Luke’s hand,

“The entire audio is in this phone as well,” he told me, “if you want you can listen to it on this and keep it for one day.”

“Are you sure I can keep your phone for one day?”

“Yes. I have no problem with that. I will collect it tomorrow or maybe day after tomorrow.”

“Okay, I hope it won’t be difficult for you to…”

“…Don’t worry,” he answered before I could finish my sentence, “I have another phone, and I’ll manage.”

“Okay, thank you. That is very generous of you.”

He stood up and said,

“Okay, I have to run some errands.”


“I’ll leave…”

I stood up to show some respect and walked with him to the exit. He asked me what really annoyed me,

“By the way Henry, I want to know why you are so desperate to know about these people.”

“Please Luke, my name is

not Henry.”

“Excuse me?”

“Alright, please don’t call me Henry,” I was trying to avoid the actual subject.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“No, thank you for your kindness.”

I shook hands with him and politely shut the door while he was outside.

Several minutes later, I was looking at the phone that he just gave me and I asked myself,

Have I been rude? What difference does it make? I have destroyed human lives, should hurting someone’s feelings matter to a person like myself?

I don’t know what happened but I felt very heartbroken quite suddenly. My own answers were hurting me.

I had become an animal. I did not like this at all. Hurting others is not a good thing. I knew this subconsciously. I should make up for my mistakes.

This crying and sorrow was not going to get me anywhere, which was why I diverted my attention back to what I had in my hand. This cell phone, either I should listen to it or I should not.

I just know that it might really break my heart. I won’t be able to live peacefully once I hear out about these poor people that I have killed.

I’m not living in peace at the moment as well, so what difference might it make.

I found the audio I was told of and saw that it was one hour long. I played it for few seconds and heard,

“Alright Mr Jonas, we will not interrupt you. You can start your narration from the beginning.”

I paused the audio and kept the phone aside.

Instead of listening to it in the lounge, I had to hear this in my bedroom. Keeping my body balanced was very important right now. 

My body was now resting on the bed and I was listening to the audio. The narrator then began,

“I was related to Roald and Martha as their brother. Roald recently moved to that house with his sister Martha and wife Lisa but unfortunately he was unaware of the fact that his enemies would find him there. Let me go back a little and start from the beginning. Roald and Lisa lived with their parents in Las Vegas, but since the lifestyle of people there was not suitable for these teenagers, their parents shifted their kids to this city. Roald was managing everything by himself. He found a job and completed his bachelor’s education. Later however, he found this girl Martha and after falling in love with her, he married her. The couple was spending a peaceful time until they came across some criminals. There was a gang that used to smuggle arms and weapons of all kinds. These were people of the underworld; they had a huge network as far as I know. A small group of these people simply favoured Roald in some way and then they asked for a huge favour in return. The criminals wanted him to hide their arms and weapons in his house’ basement; not the house that was exploded but his previous house. Poor Roald reluctantly accepted and helped them but it got worse one day.”

“One day, Martha who lived in a separate apartment came for a visit. That very day, those criminals brought a dead body to Roald’s house and asked him to hide it. Roald did not want to do it, so he took a stand. He simply refused and scolded these people, this got worse and the criminals started blackmailing him. The three of them were quite upset and wanted to redeem for his mistake. Anyways,

they arranged a separate house for rent and secretly shifted during the night. Unfortunately the criminals discovered about them.”

“All this time, I was unaware completely. I was informed two days before the blast. So, the three of them were living a stressed life. I blame my brother for this but what has happen cannot be prevented. The criminals kept on blackmailing from their different networks, but Roald believed that they would never find them there. The family stayed there for four months, or probably less. And one day, finally the incident occurred. The house blasted in an explosion.”

I stopped the audio and threw the phone aside. I was literally crying and hating myself for what I did.

What have I done? I asked myself loudly.

I was so restless at the moment that I pushed my body with frustration and ended up falling from my bed.

While I was on the ground, with my face on the floor, I cried,

I am so screwed up. Everything is ruined. I wish I would lose my memory once again.

Either I slept or I fainted, but I blacked out.


Life teaches you different stuff, but when you lose your mind, you don’t remember the lessons of life. I was curious about my past but I was guilty about my present.

Future was an unpredictable chapter.

I woke up after quite a long while and then looked at my messed up room. Sleep time is the best time. Every time I wake up, I end up regretting it.

Actually, I want to sleep forever now. I also know that I can sleep if I can simply jump off the terrace of this building. Who knows, I might end up in hell.

Oh, God! I have nowhere to go.

As I sat up and stood up after a moment, I finally gave myself a nice piece of advice,

Go and surrender yourself to the police. That is the only way to reduce the burden of your conscience.

Several hours later, I was downstairs all by myself. I was spending the money I had earned mysteriously on the poor and was trying to forcefully prove myself that I am a better person. My potential to become a good person was not driving me to do this but the pressure of my guilt was.

While I was walking across the street, I saw a police officer staring at me with the utmost attention. Oh, dear God! I said it in my heart as I realised that he had probably recognised me as a criminal.

The police officer immediately reached for his hand gun.

I, in an instance, turned one eighty degrees as fast as I could so I could run. In that moment, I so wanted to disappear from that place.

to be continued...