The FORBIDDEN FRUIT

  • 05 Feb - 11 Feb, 2022
  • Salaar Laghari
  • Fiction

For me history has always been a subject of interest, and unlike many other students and colleagues of mine I too have been fascinated by history, regardless of how old it was. I am not at all a student of history but I do know that I have the passion to learn about history and this is solely because I get admitted by personalities and how they sacrificed in their lives and move ahead in time just for us, for their future generations.

These are some people who have really inspired me and I am looking forward to become one like them, like how they were with others in their lives, but it is obviously not any kid’s game and to become like our ancestors and those honourable personalities. I would obviously have to change my lifestyle and live a kind of lifestyle that they would have adopted for themselves.

The forces that were driving me towards my future were not really among those that were the same for those ancestors of mine whom I really admired, these people were not exactly my ancestors but I simply liked calling them as that and believing in whatever pleased me. I was a person who lived are a comfortable and easy life but I knew that this was not what was suitable for me if I wanted to become like the people whom I admire a lot and I knew that I had to choose a different lifestyle for me but that was the case for another day. My life was actually meant to be ruined when I was not willing to face the reality and that the people around me tried to convince me regarding the same.

At times, it happens that you admire a particular personality so much and to such a huge extent that you are not willing to see the other side of the picture and you are simply willing to believe in the kind of story that is pleasing for you and not the side that can actually be harmful and more importantly which can be a reality. Truth is something that matters to everyone and it should matter but when you are not willing to face the truth then you are simply like a pigeon who shuts his eyes before a cat. It hurts me when I get to realise this that I am like that pigeon. Yes, it is very hurtful for me but at the same time it is the truth that I have to face and I must be willing to open my eyes and stay in balance within my emotions, so that my sentiments would not overcome the logic that my mind has to face every day. People have teased me while asking it hurts doesn't it. I was speechless during those times but the truth is that yes, I was hurt and getting hurt was quite likely to happen but at the same time I did not know that these things could simply be made easier if I could simply be on the side of truth, instead of appraising and may god forgive me for worshipping a particular personality. I should have simply been on the side of the truth.

Why it happens that your past terminates you, why it happens that the history becomes a haunting nightmare for you. All of these questions have been in my mind and they have literally made me cry scene tears in my own eyes while standing in front of the year. Blood literally make me feel like a little women and I don't like being called that I've always liked in believing that I am a strong man who can face all kinds of challenges regardless of what shape they take but since the time I have simply try to manipulate the truth in my own way where I have become more of a cowardly girl rather than being a strong man. When there is lack of trust in one's own perceptions and one when there is lack of confidence and lack of faith in one's own personality then there is literally no future and simply you can see a dead end before yourself.

I wasn't quite fond of history the way I am today since my childhood there was a time in my childhood when there were other activities around me that were mostly related to sports and other stuff bowling game was one of my favourite sport and I used to participate in it quite often. It has become really painful for me that I really want to undo my past of showing interest in history and actually admiring some personalities that right now. I am unable to defend it, this is a kind of treasury that nobody really expects but it happens with you and it made me feel quite anxious about how my future is going to be and how things would be shared in the near time period. When I have discovered some reality and some dark truths about our country's past there are many questions that are not have been left unanswered.

When you have plenty of questions about your past and none of them are being answered the way you want them, then the situation gets really worse and quite critical when more such kinds of questions arise and the previous ones are left the same way unanswered. You want to escape these pressures of the past but unfortunately you are not able to because you know that escaping them is not the solution you have plenty of people you have to face and you have to face them with courage and determination. These changes are not in everybody hands and these were never ever in my hands because my hands were not tied with ropes but rather my hands were tied with chains. Getting hurt was something I was used to but finding the solutions was not something in my hand why because I was not willing to face the truth if I would have simply side it with the truth and would have made my way with that then I would never have gotten hurt and so, I came to the conclusion that supporting the truth was what really mattered but it was not quite a piece of cake for me.

Who am I, it doesn't really matter as my identity is not what matters in this case and anyways, I am more concerned about the people who have influenced me and quite surprisingly these are those people whom I have never met anyways. This is not something to be surprised of to such an extent because when it happens there can be many people around and there can be many cases where people are fond of others and they have to correlate the changes that would in the longer frame of reference is the found matter under the shade of aspects that can quite easily correlate the changing matters.

Once the changes are amended in one's life it becomes really complicated for one to overcome those and move on further with his life. Yes, this was my case, in my case I was influenced and tormented by the things that probably should have matter or things that don't have matter for any other person but I was a kind of person who was too much involved in history and surprisingly not my own history but history of my and sisters all of these things first need to think differently and eventually, I ended up getting worried and to such an extent that for a few instances I used to get thoughts of even committing suicide.

There are people who like changes in their life and there are also those people who do not like changes but one needs to make sure that these changes are not quite easily implementable and they have to correlate the changes under the site of those members who are looking quite differently at these perspectives. Once these changes are amended one has to make sure that the order is conducted under the shade of changes that are in a limited frame of time meant to be catered quite differently. The amendments have to be made with the help of those who can conduct the assessments quite differently and one after another these changes are looked upon with the help of matters that would in the longer frame of time be conducted quite seriously but those who are influenced quiet directly by the surroundings that are found around them they get to correlate the matters with end differences and take this matter ahead quite seriously.

I am just an ordinary man and everybody around me knows about this that I am not a tall person or someone special or someone famous who deserves some kind of appreciation. I am just an ordinary man with ordinary dreams but what has influenced me is not quite ordinary even though if it is past and the past which cannot be undone but I have to look at all of these matters with the intention of looking ahead quite differently.

The changes that need to be amended in the different intervals of time are not everybody is piece of cake and workers have to realise and assess these matters under the shade of aspects that can quite easily correlate the different amendments and changes that could be found in one's mind. I was not satisfied with my life at all the moment I really started to realise that I have to accept some of the dark truths about my country's independence but these were not in anybody's interest and why would anyone take interest in these activities since these are mostly affiliated with how our country came into existence and how we are actually striving for what we have to de these changes and these realities are not quite important for people of my age as much as I have observed but I don't know how come I have so much interest in these maybe it is because of my father and families background that I feel interested in these activities.

People have different tragedies in life most of the people have dreams about their future than their career, regarding how they would find success in them and when they fail to do for them consider it to be a tragedy likewise there are others who consider their romantic dreams and their love stories to be their ambitions and when they find failure in that they consider it to be a tragedy of their life here in my case it is quite different. I want to analyse things through different perspective and I want to know that my future would not be as smart as what I had been expecting the tragedies of my life are different in few words the tragedy of my life can be defined in a way that I was unable to recognise the truth or I was unable to accept the truth and reality which could have been a lot simpler and easier for me if only I had thought it through without biasness and Prejudice.

I will begin this tale of my life from the starting and I would get it quite simply but I also want my readers to know that what I had been through was not a joke and all of these assessments were meant to change my future forever. My interest and my influences revolve around three special personalities that I thought were very much aspiring and I was actually looking ahead to seek admiration from.

I have had several journeys in this entire process as I read quotes from books and quotes and some notes that were written by our brothers and sisters because my quest was quite a strange when I was seeking the truth but I was not willing to accept it. I simply wanted to give it my own colour and give it my own shape according to my thoughts and perspectives, so I could decide what would be right and what would be eventually wrong and this was exactly the case that held me back. Right now, I am lying on the footpath and there is a lot of blood on my face. Who is the one responsible for all that happened to me, the readers can easily judge and then decide themselves once they go through my entire story.

to be continued...

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