This is the history I know as I have arranged it in a chronological order yet it is not complete but I am planning to complete it soon hopefully and sometimes quote on when I would be quite confident about what I know about what exactly happened ibn those times. These are among those aspects that can be looked upon with the guidance of the scenarios that can in any way be affiliated with the changing assessments and all of the assessments would be created based on the evaluations and knowing the matters that could alternate the history, or then that would have been otherwise. I don't know how people have the guts to do these things such as amendments that can actually make them history and that can actually give them a special place in history. I literally do not have any such claims that to become like these people whom I actually get inspired from.

Why it happens that your past terminates you, why it happens that the history becomes a haunting nightmare for you. All of these questions have been in my mind and they have literally made me cry. Seeing tears in my own eyes while standing in front of the mirror literally make me feel like a little boy. And I don't like being called that I've always liked in believing that I am a strong man who can face all kinds of challenges, regardless of what shape they life takes. But since the time I have simply try to manipulate the truth in my own way where I have become more of a cowardly girl rather than being a strong man. When there is lack of trust in one's own perceptions and when there is lack of confidence and lack of faith in one's own personality, there is literally no future and simply you can see a dead end before yourself.

Let me tell you about the personalities that have actually inspired me there are basically three personalities upon which my entire life and my entire inspiration revolves around. I would like to give an introduction to the three of them one after another but to begin with I would like to start with Kevin Andrews. Kevin was a man of special values whom no one could match. He was an extremely generous and of course, the kind hearted person as well his generosity had no match. If you ask me he was so generous that he would even spend his entire wealth for the sake of others and he would not even, consider utilising anything for himself. He used to think of others before himself and he used to consider the needs of others before he could consider his own needs. I have got to tell you that there are very few people like this person and I seriously admire his generosity. I believe that one day, I can become like him that's the only practice that matters to me and I want to see myself becoming like him. I have got to tell you this that this was no ordinary personality and I looked up to become like him but this person was more than just one can think of. His admiration for me was there since the last five years and this admiration was more than an ordinary one, rather it was an inspiration that would drive me really crazy. Crazy enough to give up everything I own and sacrifice it for the sake of others.

The second personality who has been an inspiration for me is McMahon. He has been an inspiration for me solely because of his bravery and courageous, I find him to be brave and courageous but more importantly he seems to be a sharp minded person who knows how to defeat the cunningness and outrageousness of his opposition. People like myself seriously admire people like him because these are brave personalities and he was among those brave persons who stood up straight and simply use to face his rivals by looking straight into their eyes and making sure that nothing could actually stop them from getting what they wanted to get and he did not want to earn anything for the sake of others, rather he wanted to face things for others who would be suffering because of some cruel personalities. His personality was not just had been made by me but many other people also admire him for the kind of smartness he has in his personality and he had for quiet several years but obviously with the passage of time things change and matters change. People and different kinds of perspective and they think of matters differently when they are influenced by the debates that have actual evidences and proofs.

Victor Rudolph, the last and the most important personality of all that was not just an ordinary inspiration for me but somebody I want to be a reflection of. I wanted to live for him I wanted to die for him he was my hero, so beyond one can imagine that I literally wanted to sacrifice my entire life for him. I love his personality so much that I literally want to die for him. I imagine that what would my life has been unless I would have studied this person in detail I literally want to live like him. I want to die like him in fact, I want to die for him just trying to defend myself he is somebody I really love and probably I love him more than my parents and my entire family. Majority of my inspiration depends on this personality and I literally cannot correlate the changes in a way that multiple assessments would change the thoughts of my mind. This personality Victor matters to me more than anyone else and I cannot sacrifice him even for the sake of the other two personalities that I had mentioned earlier. This man Victor is my hero and I have this ambition in my life that I would literally die defending this personality but only God knows how this would happen.

Why I admire this personality? Why I admire this personality is because he was very different and simply unique in his kindness. He was a man of great values and great kindness that one cannot quite easily compete with. He had personality traits of both the other personalities but in his own way he had leadership skills that he could think in a long-term and forecast the dangerous that could come in future to make it brief and concise. He was a sharp minded and intelligent person whom one could not quite easily correlate his personality with.

These three personalities have been talk to us on and off in our schools and colleges over different time intervals but the third standard was the most important of all as it was the moment when it happened for the first time. I heard and I got to know about these names for the first time ever in my life and I like to remember this period as one of the Golden days of my life since I learn these names for the first time ever. There might be people out there who would not be able to understand my love and inspiration for them but with passage of time they would come to know that feeling inspired and getting admiration from great personalities of the past is not something quite unhealthy as people label it to be. The multiple personalities that were affiliated with these three personalities have also been a reason for why has been so much involved with all these people and their families regarding how they were supported by people around them and at the same time how they were betrayed by their close ones. This tragic tale might keep on going and this would obviously have no end at all, however, I would like to share my piece of the tragedy that how I was told about the reality and what the truth was on the other side. How one gets hurt by discovering these kinds of realities is what only I know and I literally do not want others to suffer the same way what I have suffered.

Let me talk with you about the forbidden fruit the question is what is a Forbidden fruit and the simple answer is the forbidden fruit is the sweetest fruit. The Forbidden fruit is something that you are not allowed to go nearby because it is very sweet but in reality it is more than just better, it is simply something you cannot afford it and you do not want to adopt any further. As far as I believe, I know that there are plenty of Forbidden fruits around you but the one that is actually Forbidden is the one that leads to another door of your life that you might never have opened before.

Yes, this was my case. Yes, this is the story of my life and yes this is the tragedy of my life that I would never be able to forget as long as I am alive why because these have influenced me quite brutally. At times, your mind is not willing to accept the changes that happen around you and you are simply like that because you do not want to see the other side of the picture which is not in your favour and this was quite my case which is why I believe that I am more of a make-believe lover rather than a truth lover.

This is not something that I dislike about myself rather this is the thing that I literally hate about myself and I curse myself for the way I am treating myself and how people are receiving things to be around me. I am not a bad human being I know this about myself but I am not a strong and courageous person I am a weak person who is simply living his own life based on his own comfort zone rather than actually facing the truth and seeing what happens with consequences.

I have so badly been hurt because of what I have been to earth but I must also admit this fact that there are other people who have been hurt even more and they have been disappointed because of me because several people are actually looking around at the things that can go quite differently and they have to correlate the matter is that are simpler and have to be taken into account with the senior members who are well experience and who know how to Cater the different aspects of history. Why am I not favouring the truth and I am not accepting things for the way they are yaar is because there are plenty of people like me who can handle the issues on their own and I can on the other side live in my own world but deep down inside I would know that I am not satisfied and being guilty would simply save me alive. I ask myself why do people get hurt why do I get hurt by the heart feels it's feelings in the only answer that I get out of all these questions is that I am a person who is not willing to accept the truth no matter how bitter it is.

The multiple different phases that come and go in a person's life leave a dark influence in the minds of that person. These have to be looked upon through different changes that one would find in the darker period of their life to be as learning and growing experiences that eventually made that particular person strong and courageous enough to face the different pressures of life. In my case, however, it was quite different and I was not quite satisfied with these things that I was taught by some of my not exactly my ancestors but those who had saved their teachings and had considered looking ahead at the different kinds of changes that would in the longer frame of time be sorted out with the guidance of seniors. My life has always been easier and simpler and I have simply read and enjoyed books quite the way others have but in my case, things seem to be really frustrating and when I came to realise that I was only read in books and making use plans that could have otherwise destroyed my integrity. Yes, it is true that might be a little better and a little hard to hear but unfortunately it is very true and I cannot deny it, no matter how hard I try and that's what I do, I simply try to deny the truth but it keeps coming back to my face like a Boomerang.

to be continued...