ASK A THERAPIST

My 10-year-old son is addicted to online games. We have a time constraint on his iPad and hide the TV remote. But, he always nags his way into playing games. It seems to be badly affecting our family.

10 is indeed a tricky age. Not a teen, not a little kid, finding their way and becoming increasingly aware of what is out there online, in games and on TV. Of course, they naturally begin to push the boundaries. That is the absolute key word to focus on – boundaries. At 10, you, his parents, are (or should be) most certainly still in charge. We suggest you decide on a very clear set of time boundaries, don’t leave it open to interpretation and stick to it. Make a schedule and be clear on what he can consume. You could also re-engage your family time by trying out some board games – often this suggestion is greeted with moans and groans about being old-fashioned or boring, but then suddenly they love them and want to play more and more. Believe us, board games are a great way to connect families. A note on limiting his screen time – you as a family should ensure that you are not all staring at your own screens all the time, because sending out mixed messages is as confusing for a 10-year-old as no message or an inconsistent message. You’ve got to define the family way of doing things and stick to it – boundaries for all.

I have sleep issues. I’ve heard that psychologically, higher levels of purpose in life appear to promote better quality sleep. Is that true?

We all know sleep deprivation is a major problem. What we need more is practical help. No doubt you’re familiar with the usual advice: turn off screens and dim the lights an hour or so before bedtime, establish a relaxing bedtime routine, and go to bed and get up at regular times. But clearly, these suggestions aren’t sufficient. Instead of focusing entirely on our surroundings and bedtime routines, a growing number of scientists are beginning to examine a very different approach to encouraging better quality sleep. A study found that people with a stronger sense of purpose were less likely to develop sleep disturbances. It could be that when we sleep well, we feel more able to think about our sense of purpose – equally, if we have a clear sense of purpose, it may be this encourages us to take good care of ourselves and prioritise good sleeping, eating and other healthy habits. But either way, because clarity of purpose seems to coincide with better quality sleep, there’s certainly no harm to think about your higher aims and ambitions.

RELATED POST

COMMENTS