“Thank you.”

“You’ve done very well,” he encouraged her.

He took out a picture from his own file that was relevant to the case.

The other two students came up and one of them asked:

“Is the report ready?”

“Yes almost,” the professor answered.

“Well, there’s something interesting we just heard. I think we need to add it in the report.”

“Really?” he asked. “What is it?”

“One of the doctors inside, he just told us that Shehla, the woman with kids…”

“Yes, what about her?”

“The doctor said she has recovered from her illness, or is probably recovering.”

Professor Zeeshan stood up in amazement and asked:

“Really? How come?”

“We don’t know how but he said that it seems she’s recovering.”

“Alright, then I must go and see her.”

He left his students and went inside towards the ward.

Inside, he walked towards Shehla’s room holding the picture that he just took out from his file. As he got closer, he saw that her room’s door was left open. Without any hesitance, he just entered inside. There he saw Shehla sitting on her bed. She seemed quite better than before. He asked her politely yet carefully:

“Ma’am Shehla…Do you know why you were admitted here?”

“And you are?” she asked like a normal person.

“I’m a psychologist, my name is Zeeshan. But right now I want you to answer my question.”

“…I shot my boyfriend with my husband’s gun in some public place.” she answered after a pause of hesitation. “People thought that I was insane, to do such an act in public. So here I am.”

“And you don’t think you are insane?”

“Okay, if I am according to you then how can you prove it?” she asked smartly.

“It won’t take more than a minute to prove it but I still want you to reconsider the fact that I am not saying this stuff for no reason.”

“I’m waiting for your proof,” she said folding her arms.

Professor Zeeshan looked at the picture he was holding as he was about to show it to her.

“Do you know that your act of shooting your boyfriend Rashid was recorded in a CCTV camera that day? Do you know about it?”

She got a bit worried realising she was in trouble now.

One of the nurses came by and stopped outside the room. She was listening to their conversation with full attention.

“Am I going to go to jail?” Shehla asked worriedly.

“No!”

He showed her the photo he was holding and while showing he said:

“This moment was captured while you shot him.”

Next thing I know is that I was lying on the ground. I had just blacked out. As I got up and my eyes saw the hand gun, there was smoke coming out of it. I looked ahead while standing up. I saw that my ex-wife’s husband was lying dead. He had just been shot.

I got startled of course. However, I had no memory of shooting him whatsoever but I knew that I had done this. Now, I had to run. I turned around and started to run hoping to find the taxi driver. The gun was still in my hand as I had to hide the evidence.

I kept on running until I reached some bus stop. After reaching some bus stop, I stopped and waited for the bus.

Why can’t I remember anything? I asked myself.

After few minutes, the local bus came and stopped. I climbed up and sat inside. I didn’t know where it was headed but at the moment what concerned me was getting out of this place as quickly as possible.

You are a murderer. You are a killer. You are an evil criminal.

These were the kind of statements my mind was constantly bringing upon. I didn’t really want to do this, or did I? It wasn’t meant to happen this way. I just wanted to scare him. But I shot him and the voice of the gunshot made me black out.

Whenever I get under pressure because of loud noises, I get unconscious like this. And afterwards don’t remember the earlier few minutes before the black out. What is happening to me? I am so worried.

Don’t worry. I tell myself. Just go home to your piano. It’ll make you feel better. Music is your soul soothing partner.

I got a bit relaxed and told myself that I must get on the correct bus. I stood up and enquired the bus conductor regarding the routes of the bus. So as expected I was on the wrong bus. I asked him to get me out.

After paying him their due, I stepped outside on the footpath. The footpath was a lot higher than the road. I then waited for the taxi. It was taking a bit too long so I went to a shop nearby and had a water. I wanted to calm myself down and analyse the situation that took place earlier.

v v v

Around thirty minutes later, I unlocked the door of the rented apartment and entered inside. I looked at the beautiful piano and felt relieved. I walked towards it and spoke to myself:

Now I am not going to share this incident with anyone. Is that understood?

“Yes!” I spoke out aloud.

I walked towards the toilet and after turning on the taps washed my face.

Several minutes later, I started playing the piano. I kept on playing it and the more I did the less I felt stressed about today’s incident. Anyways, I was playing and enjoying the music until I remembered another incident of my life.

Probably five years earlier, I was jealous of Wajeeh. He had recently been promoted in his job. I don’t know why I got jealous of such a nice and sincere friend. But anyway I knew his younger brother Raheem. I had to punish him to destroy the peace and comfort of Wajeeh’s life.

I stopped playing the instrument while remembering the entire incident.

Oh that was too bad. I told myself.

As I continued playing the instrument I remembered the incident. I had stolen their neighbor’s expensive watch and had hidden it inside Raheem’s bag. Raheem was returning home from university but I had secretly told the neighbor that it was Raheem who had stolen it.

Oh God, how could I? I spoke as I remembered the event.

Wajeeh’s father was a heart patient. I didn’t know about it then. As the scene was created in the entire neighborhood, Raheem was convicted of being a culprit. Since the watch was found in his bag. So anyways the matter got worse and their father was informed. Their father couldn’t bear it and while he was scolding Raheem, he got a heart attack.

Wajeeh was not in Pakistan those days. I however took the responsibility of taking him to the hospital. I dealt with the doctors and everything. I was guilty of what I had just done.

And the worst happened. Their father died. Either it was too late or maybe the doctors were not serious about the operation. I know that one doctor in particular who I think is responsible for their father’s death. I think justice needs to be done here.

I stopped playing the piano and immediately stood up.

What am I doing? I wondered. I can’t think of committing another murder… No way.

I got away from the piano and kept myself away from it.

No Sohail, you can’t. This was what I told myself. You can’t murder another human being.

But that doctor is already a murderer of another human being. This was what my subconscious was telling me. And I was convinced that that doctor was a murderer of my friend’s father’s death. Now because I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that I was the actual culprit, I blamed the entire incident over that irresponsible doctor.

What should I do? What is my responsibility here?

I immediately walked towards the piano and spoke:

“It is none of my business. I should stay away from this responsibility.”

I wish it were that easy. However, I continued playing the instrument calmly. For the first time, I played only the black keys. The tunes were soft and relaxing. I played fine until my fingers fell on the white keys and I had to play hard again. I kept on thinking about the entire incident while playing and got uncomfortable again.

I was trapped between two choices: either I had to accept the fact that I was responsible for Wajeeh’s father’s death or I must go to the doctor and give him the punishment he deserves.

You have already murdered one person; I talked to myself, and got away with it. You can’t afford another risk again. You might get caught this time.

Convincing myself of staying away from the matter, I left the piano and went to have my supper. I opened the door of the house and stepped outside without locking it or anything.

While I was descending down the stairs I was afraid of myself thinking what if I might kill someone downstairs.

**************

After one hour, I was sitting at the café. I was done with my dinner and now I was afraid to go back home. It wasn’t easy for me to control myself. I couldn’t trust myself. Once I would get my hands on the piano, the next moment I would be tempted to commit murder.

These are the kind of moments when I need somebody. During moments like these I miss my family. I miss my mother and I miss my sister. They were always my support. They would understand me. But right now they are not with me.

If there was a gym nearby, I would have exercised in order to ventilate.

I felt my cell phone vibrating. I looked at the caller ID. It was Wajeeh’s call. I desperately answered the call:

“Hello? Wajeeh?”

“Sohail, where are you? I am so worried.”

“I’m around my apartment. I’m glad you called.”

“What did you do with the gun?”

“…Nothing,” I replied after a while, “it’s here with me.”

“Do you still need it?”

“No, I don’t. Please take it away from me.”

“What?” he didn’t hear me clearly.

“I said please take your gun away I don’t want it around me, please!”

“But where are you?”

“I’m at that…I’m at that…”

I don’t know why I stopped speaking. I disconnected the call losing hope. I stood up after a minute and prepared to leave.

Next hour, I was lying on my mattress. I was tired and was feeling quite drowsy. As I shut my eyes I wondered by myself:

I wish I would never wake up after I sleep today.

I really wanted to end my life forever but I wish it were that easy.

**************

Nine hours later as I woke up, my mind was only thinking about the doctor who couldn’t save Wajeeh’s father. At the same time, I was feeling guilty but I was trying to suppress those feelings.

What must I do to relieve my stress? The only thing I feel at the moment is anger. This mix up of guilt, anger and loneliness made me feel extremely frustrated. I just wanted to get to a conclusion that would satisfy my all problems.

It hurts being alone all the time. I am responsible for my condition. I am the only one who can bring change. And right now I am about to bring change.

I picked up my cell phone and my ATM card. Most importantly, I picked up the gun and loaded the bullets. I was leaving to murder that person who had destroyed my peace, the cardiologist.

As I opened the door, Wajeeh was standing outside. He was about to knock. He called out my name:

“Sohail!”

“I’ll catch you later,” I spoke.

Saying this I left the spot and rushed to do what I had to.

Downstairs, I was waiting on the footpath. A minute later as some taxi came by, I asked the driver to take me to the specific hospital.

He drove with normal speed. I gave him extra money to drive fast. I just couldn’t wait as I wanted to get on with it. I didn’t know but Wajeeh was following me on his bike. He was keeping an eye on me as he was suspicious about my intentions.

An hour later, I was waiting outside the main gate of the hospital. The doctor was about to come as I had confirmed it from the guards outside. I was unaware of the fact that Wajeeh was hiding behind somewhere.

I saw a white Corrolla. The doctor I remember was sitting inside. I got vigilante and loaded my gun.

Thirty seconds of complete black out.

I woke up and looked around. My eyes gave me a blur vision but as I got a clear picture I saw the doctor lying dead in his car. The glass had a hole of bullet shot. I immediately realized that I had just shot him on his forehead and had fainted afterwards. Wajeeh was standing behind me.

As I felt someone standing behind me, I got startled and immediately turned to see. I saw him looking at me with tensed face.

“Sohail, why did you do this?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied wiping off my sweat.

I got closer towards him and spoke:

“Please take me home Wajeeh. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know whom I might kill next time.”

“What has happened to you Sohail? You’re shaking…!”

“I’ve become a murderer Wajeeh. Please save me…”

to be continued...