Not long ago, I overheard someone discussing the rising divorce rates among young people in Pakistan. The speaker lamented that the institution of marriage in our country is crumbling – much like in the West. That conversation prompted me to write about matrimony today. This might sound like a rant, but it is more of a reality check on the societal expectations placed on women.

From an early age, women are conditioned to follow a rigid timeline: marry at the ‘right’ time, have children before their biological clock runs out, and, ideally, bear more sons than daughters. After all, who will be their savior in old age if not a son? The truth is, a woman’s life is anything but easy.

Being a woman myself, I have experienced many of the societal discourses I will attempt to encapsulate here. It all begins the moment a girl realizes – or rather, is told – that there are certain things she can or cannot do, unlike men, for whom the world is their oyster. Amidst these constraints, if a woman manages to pursue a discipline of her choice, earn a higher academic degree, and secure a job that grants her financial independence, she belongs to a privileged minority in the country. But even then, she is reminded that her ‘liberty’ comes at a price – one that her family is paying for.

Then comes the phase where parents begin searching for the ‘right’ match. In more progressive households, women are granted relative freedom and are often asked for their opinion on potential suitors – something Islam itself permits. However, in many families, even those who are educated, age-old traditions persist, dictating how a woman’s future should unfold.

Thinking about marriage today makes me reflect on my grandparents’ era. My maternal and paternal grandmothers were remarkable women. Though they had little formal education, they managed their households and raised their children with unwavering patience. One thing they both had in common was their quiet endurance: never arguing with their husbands, never falling out with their in-laws. Looking back, I realize their marriages worked largely because of them. Their world revolved around their homes and husbands, and they had no professional aspirations beyond that. While I admire their patience and resilience, I also recognize that times have changed.

For the working women of today, demonstrating the same level of sacrifice is not only challenging but, in many cases, unrealistic. Women have evolved with the changing world, but society’s expectations of them remain largely the same. Many families seeking a bride for their son want an educated woman, yet they expect her to be submissive – to remain silent in decision-making, to endure taunts, abuse, and even the threat of divorce without protest.

In the 21st century, as we push forward narratives championing women’s rights to education and employment, we must also acknowledge a fundamental truth: a woman may settle for limited financial means, but she will not accept limited respect or a diminished role in her personal life. Matrimony is no longer about endurance alone; it is about partnership. Until society begins to see women as equals in both the public and private spheres, marriage will continue to be a battle between outdated traditions and the evolving aspirations of modern women.