21 August 2019. The day began with quite a heated video doing rounds on social media featuring a TV interview of a woman, a “reputable and credible” match maker, speaking in a tone that reflected neither. She took a slow start (not that it was any less offensive) but as the seconds on the screen ticked by, her filter and class let’s say, driven from being accredited on national TV seems to dissipate into nothing until her true perspective on marriage and women is in full view. Needless to say, all media, be it social platforms, mainstream or print were set on fire with views of their own; some headstrong calling her out on her belittling and demeaning mentality and others, to our horror, celebrating it. Three weeks later, Mrs. Khan is still one of the most controversial figures and here’s an attempt to dissect the serious and sad lack of evolution in our institute of marriage.

The ideal values of marriage in Pakistan

Mrs. Khan was seen endorsing the draconian values of marriage placing the entire responsibility of a marriage and blame of a divorce on women who, according to her, now talk too much. Let’s get one thing straight. The very common practice from a few decades ago when a wife’s responsibility translated into being unpaid domestic help exploited for her financial and social dependence was not right then either. Only because it was practiced widely and accepted by women who weren’t given any support to stand up for themselves, does not make it right; very similar to sexual harassment and dowry culture.

Furthermore, our newfound dialogue on divorce and the well-being of children doesn’t seem to be received well with majority of the population. Experts have on multiple forums have asserted that abusive households and shaky relationship between parents seems to have a worse affect on children rather than divorce. In the same interview in which Mrs. Khan has stolen the limelight from the other two interviewees, an expert mentions it takes only two years for a child to accept and come to terms with parent’s divorce. But despite of what the experts say, our society seems to support women in rocky marriages labeling them “good”, “patient” and glorifying their endurance and worst of all, use their examples to encourage it.

We could go on about Mrs. Khan’s problematic approach to marriage but foremost, this needs to be highlighted. According to Mrs. Khan, a woman who straightens her husband’s shoes, serves gol roti at his arrival and looks after her kids is a “proper woman”, otherwise, you are not. In our view, the internet was not enraged enough at this. In 2019, gender roles in Pakistan persist and women are treated as second class citizens in all walks of life. In marriages, however, they are treated lower than that.

Work ethics of a rishta aunty

Speaking to a victim, and we use the word victim rightly so, here is a summary of her business practice. On a recommendation, a woman’s mother who will stay anonymous for the purpose of this story, contacted Mrs. Khan and her beginning advice to the said lady was to get whitening injections and that’s just tip of the iceberg. The victim of Mrs. Khan disgusting approach to business was also told to lose weight otherwise no one would marry her and advised to bleach and get a facial before the rishtay walay come to see her plus wear heels on account of her height. In an exclusive interview, the victim expresses severe distress over being attacked and body shamed by a dignitary that is a frequent on morning shows for marriage advices.

The repercussions

Misogynists, feminists and human rights activists took to the internet with their two cents. Some were as problematic as Mrs. Khan herself while others were a breath of fresh air. Video responses from vloggers surfaced soon after, from men and women, and the comment sections of all videos were a waging war from both side of the spectrum. The internet, like the Nile, split into two.

But the most interesting of all, was when Mrs. Khan, the eminent matchmaker sits on yet another morning show on Geo News, merely four days after her controversial interview and begins, “I’m being abused since the past three, four days…”

Like the ticket many abuse, she blames her behaviour on her health and assumes she is entitled to it because she is of age. On account of her blood pressure and old age, we can excuse her breakdown over negative reviews she may get from women seeking divorces that must be bad for her business, but judging her words and excusing her tonality and crude body language, we are not excusing her perspective.

Our two cents

Mrs. Khan treats women like a commodity instead of using her connections and agency to promote a healthy and civil manner to introduce men and women seeking partners. There is absolutely nothing wrong with arrange marriage, except for our approach to it. While she apologised on national TV for her behaviour, she stands headstrong on her stance about a woman’s role in marriage. The only place she seems to draw a line is when it comes to physical abuse, which she agrees is an unforgiveable crime and multiple vloggers who also celebrated the coming of Mrs. Khan and “putting women back in their place” also seem to agree with zero tolerance of physical abuse. But here’s the hilarity of the situation; we consider ourselves evolved by only drawing a line at physical abuse against women. We leave our readers with this thought. •